Not a moment goes by
Where I’m not wondering why;
Why the job I chose?
Why have I lost my goals?
It begins as a whisper in my head,
From my conscience I’m fed
These lines of regret and sorrow
For I’ll still not be any further tomorrow.
But today I am trying again
To not let those feelings begin,
And focusing more on constructive thoughts;
I’m trying to connect the mental dots.
One of these days
I’ll see my way out of this haze
And finally begin the life I’ve wanted,
Leaving behind the me that’s haunted.
I realize I can’t do any of this
When I don’t use my wits
And instead sit around
Waiting for my problems to drown
Or otherwise suitably die out
So I can see past my doubt.
It’s the motivation you see;
One thing I dislike about me.
I have these phases
Where I let myself get complacent
For no apparent reason
And my motivation is freezing,
Little by little it slows down
Until my feet hit the ground
And then I’m stuck in a pattern
Where my will is shattered.
I’m trying to overcome one of these now;
I wish I could just disallow
These moments in my life
Where days don’t feel right
And each dawn brings about
A new sadness and reason to pout.
I’m tired of feeling pity
For myself when I’m constantly sitting.
I need to get up and transform
Back into the person who isn’t so torn.
One of these days I’ll finally understand
How to be the man
I’ve always wanted to be;
Maybe one day I’ll finally see.